" ... And Is All Man"

"*pant*, thanks man."
I grunt, as the guy pulls-off the bar with ease and points-out the holder-things that hold the weights on. I couldn't tell what he was saying as James Hetfield was screaming in my ear something about hitting the lights. Yeah, I'll use those holder things next time. So great, I had to have a guy pull the bar off my chest at the gym, I might as well go to the beach and have a bully knock-over my sandcastle and kick sand in my face, and then have a pen break in my shirt pocket to complete the nerd trifecta.

To be fair, I was exhausted from the day before, and working that night. I had to squeeze in work-out this morning before my coaching, because there was no way I was sleeping for five hours and trying to work-out before going to work tonight. I'm lucky I only had that one incident and didn't end-up giving "skull-crushers" some legit street-cred.

More about the audition, the character's name is Chris Hart, which is about the coolest combination of names ever. The show is called "Revolution", set in the 22nd century (like I said, by the guy who produced/directed Battlestar Gallactica) about the United States colonizing a planet called "New America" (catchy name). It's really a story about the family relationships, which I can get behind. This is a story about a family that lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It doesn't work as a movie, so it's a good thing it's a TV series.

My agent used this line in the e-mail to "sell" me to the Casting Director, and I just have to write this quote here because I'm getting it tattooed on my chest in olde-English-style writing and also carved on my gravestone:

"He is good, and is all man"

I swear to God my agent wrote that. He asked me yesterday if I was getting a big head from all these auditions, and I told him my neck was killing me; well, it's his fault, if he's going to keep writing stuff like this!

I decided to wear my suit to look older and professional. I mean, the dude runs his dad's company, so he'd be pretty well-dressed, right? Well I wasn't. In fact, I looked like I ran my dad's company in my dad's suit. I'm tellin' ya, wearing this thing I could leap out a plane at 30,000 ft. without a parachute and be just like one of those squirrels that can fly (what are those called again?) It's the $150 Moores special and I bought it about 4-and-a-half years ago for a wedding. Since then, I've worn it at weddings, funerals, Christmas Mass, I've wrestled in it, did a monologue while putting it on, and wore it for a set of head shots. I think I need to get it "taken-in" but really it should just be taken in to a Salvation Army bin to be done with. At least I got some shoe polish to cover-up the salt-lines on them from salting the EA parking lot.

I take the SkyTrain and walk about nine blocks to get to the acting coaches house. I couldn't find an RBC ATM, so I had to get cash-back from the Chinese guy at the convenience store (dude gave me a $50 bill, who DOES that?) because I didn't have enough on me for the coaching and the necessary Taxi ride to get to the audition on time. I had no idea how much the coaching would cost, having never worked with this person before. She could have charged $300/hour for all I know. I find the house and ring the white doorbell, and a guy in shorts and bare feet comes around the back of the house.
"Uh, I'm here for Iris," I stammered.
"Oh, are you here for a coaching?" The man asked.
"Uh, yeah."
"I'm Fred, her husband."
Fred looked like an actor, with his nice hair and good looks, and he let me into their home. He showed me the "studio", which was very similar to an audition room, with a camera, and special lighting, which totally bested VFS' plain ol' rooms. They even had a green room, which made me think wow, how many actors do they coach at time that they need a green room? and I also thought this is going to cost me. All these rooms were very interesting, but there was one I was interested in above all others.
"Where's your bathroom?"

Iris came down after a few minutes of waiting in their very posh green room, and before we got to work, she asked what time my audition was.
"1:25."
"Oh, I should have gotten you in here earlier, maybe." You think?
"Do you have a car?" she asked, and I somehow managed to swallow the gulp of Propel I just took.
"Nah, I'll take a cab."
So we got to work, and she reminded me so much of my third-term acting teacher I swear they could be brother and sister, although she was a bit softer and nicer (must be an east-coast thing, she was born in Amherst). I called the cab to be at her door for one o'clock, and paid Iris way less than I expected, less than my VFS coaches were charging even.

In the cab we hit bad traffic, and I start to get worried around 20 after one.
"Can you tell them I might be a bit late?" I asked my agent from my cell phone.
"Uh, I don't know if that's gonna work, they have a pretty tight schedule."
Oh God, do NOT tell me I've done all this work for nothing.
"Where are you?"
"12th and Cambie."
"Oh, that part of town is terrible, I'll call them for you."
Thanks, guy.
We cleared the traffic soon-after the phone call and I roll-up to the building right at 1:25. I pay the man and dash for my little acting life.

I enter the room and see Jared, whom loyal readers should recall is the guy I read against for "Kevin" in "I Love You, Beth Cooper" and more recently "Dustin" in the sure-fire hit "I Love You, Beth Cooper". Jared's a cool guy, and always wishes me a fractured limb before I enter the audition room or as he's leaving. Right back atcha big guy. They're running behind, which is just grand, and I enter the room after about 15 minutes or so.

I read the first scene, took some direction, ran it again, and then ran the second scene. The Casting Director I read with said "good," which is about as good as I could ask for, and I was outta there. It felt good to me, thanks to Iris' coaching.
"Sometimes you just need a coach to get over the hump," my agent said when I called him afterward.
"Yeah, I'm definitely keeping her number," I said, and he laughed.

I talked to my folks, who saw fit to send me some money to help with my growing phone bill and number of cab rides. I wonder if that's a hint to call them more often (although I've been talking to them now more than ever with all these auditions). I appreciate it all the same, although I've taken a bit of pride in my financial independence. But hey, if someone says "here's money" when you're in my position, you say "gimme-- I mean ... thanks".

Before coming to work, I found out that my lady roommate is short-listed for a commercial, which she is, like, so excited over. She's had a rough go over the last few days, losing sleep over a friend of hers who's having some major surgery. I'm praying for her friend, and for her commercial, although the excitement she'll exude if she books it may be too much to bear. We're talkin' broken windows from the jubilant screams here.